Thursday, November 7, 2013
Poetry: Flower For A Vampire
Childish games in the hearts of the young. Years past but matured you have not. Disciplined in all but wreckless in affection. Look in the mirror and pay attention to your reflection. You rip the hearts of your lovers and bathe in the blood, feed off the attention. Not noticing your tainted hunger for more is emptying your heart while you stuff your face with sorrow disguised as attention drenched in infatuation. Die in fake fulfilment. Ill put a flower on your grave with the last petal untouched. I love you not.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Poetry: Moons Collide
I live on a planet where footprints don't leave marks, in a world where the little things are non-existent and the big things insignificant. A world where giraffes have no view, a lions roar sounds like whispers, and wales don't make waves. Everything in this world has lost its magic to me. Black and white pictures catch the essence of once beauty and my eyes are missing the ability to see colour but beauty is far to be seen. Everything blurs into grey and just one shade. Everything is missing something, some things have nothing, nothing is big enough, all things seems like nothing. Sparks are needed to cause flames but even fireworks feel simple and insufficient. Forest fires won't suffice. Nothing seems enough to ignite the light. My love is a beating glow in the dark heart shaped muscle now sleeping in my chest. I want it turned on. I want the light to escape my mouth and illuminate the sky. I want it to overshadow Divali. I want it to make lions roar like steamboats. I want it to make wales create tsunamis when they jump. I want it to make giraffes see the future. A future where this world doesn't need grand gestures for me to fall in love. My sorcerer you feel my agony. You don't believe I should be in a world different. I am the world different. I am the grand gesture. You lift up your hand and make moons collide so no darkness can exist. Forced to look at myself with no place to hide. You stand beside me and say: "That was nothing. The creation of you is the grander gesture."
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Poetry: "Baptise Me In Your Gold"
I'm pleasantly drowning in a river of emotions. The sweat we produce keeps us afloat in waters now so still. Fingers entangled, love intertwined while watching god. The sun rays blind us from seeing more than what's closest to our hearts. Your hair, golden, turns the bed of our emotions accordingly. Bathing in gold, I love to call you midas as we touch. Baptise me in all that you feel for me. I'm born a new. I wash all the shadows of the past as the waters move me towards the future. You preach a religion I don't mind to love. Every word will be a brick in the road to salvation. Every scripture will be my prerogative set in stone and placed on my arms that I will keep up and be strong. It's my resolve and it'll give me scars that will remember why I should always love you.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Poetry: "Whispers of White Rabbits"
Whispers fly off his lips like cigarette smoke. I’m chained to every word and addicted to being polluted to the core. All the things you said made me come running towards you with no second thought in my head. I’m tired. You don’t know how it feels to chase the words you speak. For you create wonderland with empty promises. I want to ride the rollercoaster down the rabbit hole. In the hopes of finding something that’ll make me whole. How it is in the beginning so shall it be in the end. The end of the ride took me to start of race with shoes heavier than before. A smokescreen of illusions mirrored by my own heart’s desire to love, this vicious circle I keep being drawn into by these white rabbits. Whispers I can’t ignore in this limbo created by desperation. I must kill the rabbits.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Day 13: I Miss You
Throughout the whole trip I've been bbm-ing with jay the whole time. To be honest I really miss his company! He makes me feel good and I like to please him and make him feel good too. The thing with Jay is I'm kinda his first everything. So I feel honoured that of all the black guys in Amsterdam he picked me to fall in love with. Lemme tell you the story of how we met.
While I was with my ex Jupiter, he send me a message on Hyves (a dutch social network comparable to myspace/facebook). The message said nothing much, till after a few messages later he told me that he liked me only after I asked him why he messaged me in the first place. He said he liked me and wanted to go to the movies with me this one time but I told him yeah we can do that BUT I did tell him like we CAN'T do ANYTHING because I'm in a relationship and he was fine with it. I know it was wrong for me to go on a date with someone but I didn't see the harm in it, I got to go to the movies, and I got to make someone happy.
On the date I got to meet him in real life for the first time and he was cute, but I had myself in control. We talked about a lot of stuff and we clicked. We went to a chick flick you can't imagine, we knew because we were the only two guys in the cinema watching that movie LOL. So after it was done I brought him to his bus stop and waved him goodbye. That was it...
I thought about him and the date for a few days but I never let it go too far. I forgot about him and just went on with my life, we never talked after that and I deleted my account on Hyves.
After me and Jupiter broke up a few weeks after, like 2 or 3 months later, facebook asked me is this a friend of yours? And showed me his picture... I was like yeah I know this boy so I added him. Nothing happened for the next couple of days after he accepted me but after I saw a status update from him I decided to message him because I did like the date we went on almost 2 year ago now.
Me: "Hey how you doin? Haven't spoken to you in a long time do you still remember me?"
Jay: "Ofcourse I still remember you and yeah that day is still in my mind I don't know if you wanna do something again?"
Me: "definitely, especially since I've been single for a while. So what do you wanna do?"
Jay: "Yeah we can go to a movie again if you want? Or do summin else"
Me: "You know what let's do a movie but at yours because last time we met in public so we couldn't really talk some real talk."
Jay: "I'm kool with that if you bring the movies"
And that kinda how we started it off and I saw him ona day I can't remember anymore and we walked to his place and when we came in the first thing he told me: "You're wearing the same perfume you wore the first time I met you, I'm still in love with it..." I was so in shock that he still remembered it and kinda flattering. So we watched a movie which was utterbullshit but owh well. After the movie was done we were watching tv and he was saying: "there's nothing on tv, I wish I had cable so we could watch something better, I wanna have something else to do." So I completely turned towards him and I kissed him.
The KISS WHOA! It was a kiss to fall in love with. It was soooo slow it didn't even fell like a kiss more just like a flow with a spark in it. Then I pulled back and said: "now you have something else to do" and he said "What" and I said: "kiss me ofcourse!" And we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed. Clothes flew off and next thing we were naked and the most embarrassing thing happened I'm not going to go in detail but it ended up with him saying that he doesn't take dick nor give it because he has never done it before and wanted to save it for someone special. And I was like whoa... I felt so ashamed for trying to push up on him so strong without even asking him... So I laid down beside him and we just kissed like that until I had to leave.
And since that day I saw him the week after and then 2 times the week after that and then I started seeing him everyday and now I'm accustomed to having him around all the time.
When I told him I was going london for 2 weeks he started missing me already and the puppydogg eyes he gave me almost made me feel bad for booking the trip :(
I miss the hell out of him and he out of me.
I'm gonna ask him to be my boyfriend when I get back cuz Up until now its been great! The sleepovers, and the cooking for each other, and meeting each others friends and all of that. But its been just a month and I don't jump into relationships especially since I came out of the relationship with Jupiter in April. So its a lil early even though I do want it and it feels good and its the right person, I just wanna feel at ease with my decision first. I don't wanna have the feeling I jumped into anything.
Its kinda hard to not say yes to him or wait that long since he's already told me I have his heart no matter what happends and that he'd give up his virginity to me. I was like whoa are you sure and yes he was apparently.
But enough with the mushy stuff now how did my day go, its sunday so I went to church and I felt sick to be honest but after I showered and got dressed took a tablet or 2 I felt strong enough to handle it. Today a visiting Bishop got to preach to us and OMG almost half of the women in the church fell to the ground during the last part of the service :o I was like whoa HOLY SPIRIT OVERDOSE! And they were brought to the alter and like a big chunk of the seats were empty. I was happy my mum didn't really participate in this one though.
After that I thought we went home but we went into brixton because it was the first sunday of august and that means BIG PARTY which I was so not feeling at the moment because I fell asleep in the car!
Now I'm with my grannie, my moms, and some guy named Jobi in an old peoples pub "Chillin" (the Prince Of Wales). I thought to myself gimme some Malibu and my BlackBerry and ill Survive! I might not have Internet but ill blog till we go home or till I get food and now my mom just left to go get some Jerk chicken so ill be a happy camper in a second.
While I was with my ex Jupiter, he send me a message on Hyves (a dutch social network comparable to myspace/facebook). The message said nothing much, till after a few messages later he told me that he liked me only after I asked him why he messaged me in the first place. He said he liked me and wanted to go to the movies with me this one time but I told him yeah we can do that BUT I did tell him like we CAN'T do ANYTHING because I'm in a relationship and he was fine with it. I know it was wrong for me to go on a date with someone but I didn't see the harm in it, I got to go to the movies, and I got to make someone happy.
On the date I got to meet him in real life for the first time and he was cute, but I had myself in control. We talked about a lot of stuff and we clicked. We went to a chick flick you can't imagine, we knew because we were the only two guys in the cinema watching that movie LOL. So after it was done I brought him to his bus stop and waved him goodbye. That was it...
I thought about him and the date for a few days but I never let it go too far. I forgot about him and just went on with my life, we never talked after that and I deleted my account on Hyves.
After me and Jupiter broke up a few weeks after, like 2 or 3 months later, facebook asked me is this a friend of yours? And showed me his picture... I was like yeah I know this boy so I added him. Nothing happened for the next couple of days after he accepted me but after I saw a status update from him I decided to message him because I did like the date we went on almost 2 year ago now.
Me: "Hey how you doin? Haven't spoken to you in a long time do you still remember me?"
Jay: "Ofcourse I still remember you and yeah that day is still in my mind I don't know if you wanna do something again?"
Me: "definitely, especially since I've been single for a while. So what do you wanna do?"
Jay: "Yeah we can go to a movie again if you want? Or do summin else"
Me: "You know what let's do a movie but at yours because last time we met in public so we couldn't really talk some real talk."
Jay: "I'm kool with that if you bring the movies"
And that kinda how we started it off and I saw him ona day I can't remember anymore and we walked to his place and when we came in the first thing he told me: "You're wearing the same perfume you wore the first time I met you, I'm still in love with it..." I was so in shock that he still remembered it and kinda flattering. So we watched a movie which was utterbullshit but owh well. After the movie was done we were watching tv and he was saying: "there's nothing on tv, I wish I had cable so we could watch something better, I wanna have something else to do." So I completely turned towards him and I kissed him.
The KISS WHOA! It was a kiss to fall in love with. It was soooo slow it didn't even fell like a kiss more just like a flow with a spark in it. Then I pulled back and said: "now you have something else to do" and he said "What" and I said: "kiss me ofcourse!" And we kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed. Clothes flew off and next thing we were naked and the most embarrassing thing happened I'm not going to go in detail but it ended up with him saying that he doesn't take dick nor give it because he has never done it before and wanted to save it for someone special. And I was like whoa... I felt so ashamed for trying to push up on him so strong without even asking him... So I laid down beside him and we just kissed like that until I had to leave.
And since that day I saw him the week after and then 2 times the week after that and then I started seeing him everyday and now I'm accustomed to having him around all the time.
When I told him I was going london for 2 weeks he started missing me already and the puppydogg eyes he gave me almost made me feel bad for booking the trip :(
I miss the hell out of him and he out of me.
I'm gonna ask him to be my boyfriend when I get back cuz Up until now its been great! The sleepovers, and the cooking for each other, and meeting each others friends and all of that. But its been just a month and I don't jump into relationships especially since I came out of the relationship with Jupiter in April. So its a lil early even though I do want it and it feels good and its the right person, I just wanna feel at ease with my decision first. I don't wanna have the feeling I jumped into anything.
Its kinda hard to not say yes to him or wait that long since he's already told me I have his heart no matter what happends and that he'd give up his virginity to me. I was like whoa are you sure and yes he was apparently.
But enough with the mushy stuff now how did my day go, its sunday so I went to church and I felt sick to be honest but after I showered and got dressed took a tablet or 2 I felt strong enough to handle it. Today a visiting Bishop got to preach to us and OMG almost half of the women in the church fell to the ground during the last part of the service :o I was like whoa HOLY SPIRIT OVERDOSE! And they were brought to the alter and like a big chunk of the seats were empty. I was happy my mum didn't really participate in this one though.
After that I thought we went home but we went into brixton because it was the first sunday of august and that means BIG PARTY which I was so not feeling at the moment because I fell asleep in the car!
Now I'm with my grannie, my moms, and some guy named Jobi in an old peoples pub "Chillin" (the Prince Of Wales). I thought to myself gimme some Malibu and my BlackBerry and ill Survive! I might not have Internet but ill blog till we go home or till I get food and now my mom just left to go get some Jerk chicken so ill be a happy camper in a second.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Day 12: "What To Do"
The illness like totally ruined my whole damn london trip. I stayed in for almost a whole week with nottin interesting to blog. So this morning I decided to go out and do summin!
I called my auntie and asked her if she wanted to go cinema like we always do when I'm in london. She said yes and agreed to go inception in the Odeon Theatre in Streatham.
I went to the shop down the road and got me some cigarettes and smoke since I've been deprived from them for almost a week now. It felt so amazin sittin on my moms porch/stone wall and lighting one. I know its a disgusting habit but I don't care. Me and marlboro are good friends. I didn't like what they did with the pack though, on the back they got a pic of a guy with a Tumour the size of a football in his neck. DISGUSTING!
So now I'm sitting on the steps of the theatre waiting on my auntie/cousin to take me cinema and she is LATE while she told me not to be! One of my petpeeve's has to be peeople who make me wait! Ugh! The movie start 8.40pm and its already 8.42 see I don't mind missing the commercials but if we like 15 min late I don't wanna go anymore. And then my day would totally be ruined!!! Because that would mean I still did absolutely nottin...
As I give up on my aunt this guy walks past in glittery 4inch pumps, I feel like shouting WORK! But I'm not in America anymore which kinda makes me miss it
A call from my mom she says my cousin got stuck at the house and is on her way...like I still care...I'm getting cold I want a drink. Thank god for cigarettes to keep me warm. I don't even care if she finds out I smoke now. So I'm playing the waiting game again...
Lol it turned out the clock in her house was set wrong so she thought she was on time. Ugh anywho instead of seeying inception we saw "the A-Team" because that was the only movie still showing. Going to the movies with her is always funny because she's a very jumpy person and at gunshots and special effects she always shouts swear words, jamaican ones ofcourse. So I have/had fun with her even though the movie wasn't worth the money she payed for it but I wasn't tripping because I didn't pay and she was late!
She brought me home and I thanked her for the movie and went to bed after some time on facebook and twitter.
I called my auntie and asked her if she wanted to go cinema like we always do when I'm in london. She said yes and agreed to go inception in the Odeon Theatre in Streatham.
I went to the shop down the road and got me some cigarettes and smoke since I've been deprived from them for almost a week now. It felt so amazin sittin on my moms porch/stone wall and lighting one. I know its a disgusting habit but I don't care. Me and marlboro are good friends. I didn't like what they did with the pack though, on the back they got a pic of a guy with a Tumour the size of a football in his neck. DISGUSTING!
So now I'm sitting on the steps of the theatre waiting on my auntie/cousin to take me cinema and she is LATE while she told me not to be! One of my petpeeve's has to be peeople who make me wait! Ugh! The movie start 8.40pm and its already 8.42 see I don't mind missing the commercials but if we like 15 min late I don't wanna go anymore. And then my day would totally be ruined!!! Because that would mean I still did absolutely nottin...
As I give up on my aunt this guy walks past in glittery 4inch pumps, I feel like shouting WORK! But I'm not in America anymore which kinda makes me miss it
A call from my mom she says my cousin got stuck at the house and is on her way...like I still care...I'm getting cold I want a drink. Thank god for cigarettes to keep me warm. I don't even care if she finds out I smoke now. So I'm playing the waiting game again...
Lol it turned out the clock in her house was set wrong so she thought she was on time. Ugh anywho instead of seeying inception we saw "the A-Team" because that was the only movie still showing. Going to the movies with her is always funny because she's a very jumpy person and at gunshots and special effects she always shouts swear words, jamaican ones ofcourse. So I have/had fun with her even though the movie wasn't worth the money she payed for it but I wasn't tripping because I didn't pay and she was late!
She brought me home and I thanked her for the movie and went to bed after some time on facebook and twitter.
Day 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 & 11: "Throughout The Sickness"
Once again I'm in church, now its sunday service And I'm sooo annoyed and getting a headache of this guy that's shouting in tongues through the microfoon! Rantalabababa!!!!! Rantalaba!!!! Anko!!! FIRE FIRE FIRE! Ugh...
I'm tired from the trip "Northampton - London" still just a lil woozy from the vodka and now have to deal with this...
Church wasn't that interesting today except for that my mom went to the altar and layed on the floor because she felt the holy spirit... I was so embarrassed even though it was just the choir singin and the service didn't actually start but still ugh
When church was over I felt this feeling I get whenever I'm about to be sick. And I actually got sick... I took some tablets before going to bed and woke up a lil better.
The day was so boring I was waiting to hear from a friend I learned to know through my london Lover so we could meet and FUCK. LOL yeah I said it FUCK!
Hahaha when it was time to meet him I was so horny all the damn way to his house BUT it was so dissappointing... First of all I came in 15 minutes but that's no problem cuz I keep going LOL but after 20 minutes he was distracted the whole time and he said he was starting to feel sore... And the fun ends here.
So I though. He went into the livingroom to go and feed his cat but the cat had babies and he still had 1 kitten and he came in the room, jumped on the bed and started to jump around me! IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!! So I was playing with the cat totally forgot the dude untill he came back.
I left after a lil 15 minutes.
I then went to my London Lover to sleep over again and that's kinda it.
I went home the next day and felt sick till friday saturday mornin...
I'm tired from the trip "Northampton - London" still just a lil woozy from the vodka and now have to deal with this...
Church wasn't that interesting today except for that my mom went to the altar and layed on the floor because she felt the holy spirit... I was so embarrassed even though it was just the choir singin and the service didn't actually start but still ugh
When church was over I felt this feeling I get whenever I'm about to be sick. And I actually got sick... I took some tablets before going to bed and woke up a lil better.
The day was so boring I was waiting to hear from a friend I learned to know through my london Lover so we could meet and FUCK. LOL yeah I said it FUCK!
Hahaha when it was time to meet him I was so horny all the damn way to his house BUT it was so dissappointing... First of all I came in 15 minutes but that's no problem cuz I keep going LOL but after 20 minutes he was distracted the whole time and he said he was starting to feel sore... And the fun ends here.
So I though. He went into the livingroom to go and feed his cat but the cat had babies and he still had 1 kitten and he came in the room, jumped on the bed and started to jump around me! IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!! So I was playing with the cat totally forgot the dude untill he came back.
I left after a lil 15 minutes.
I then went to my London Lover to sleep over again and that's kinda it.
I went home the next day and felt sick till friday saturday mornin...
Friday, July 30, 2010
Day 5: The Bf And His Bf
I woke up very normal, like I always do. I didn't feel effected by the prophecy from last night. The buzz wore off but I still believe in it though....
Today me and my besty Nige are meeting but he told me a few days upfront that his boyfriend (who I still had to meet) had this friend they wanted too hook me up with, right... Uhm... I'm not really a fan of meeting someone before seeing them? But he assured me that he was cute and totally my type, right...
Anyways he called me in the morning saying that the date was off but that we were still meeting, I'm like sure so imma be the third wheel on ya'lls whatever. Anyways Nige lives all the damn way in Northampton and I was dead ass broke (£20) so he came and picked me up (with the train) and we went all the way to Birmingham to go get his BF and then go back to go Northampton?! I was tired of all this damn traveling and after a lil 3 hours we finally arrived at the house.
First Impressions of the boyfriend: Shock! He was short, looked really young (he apparently shaved), skinny and totally not my best friends INITIAL type...
I've seen pictures of him but my impression of him from there lead me to think he was tall, a bit muscular, a bit more masculine in the face and older. This was the exact opposite! Like I always say: "some people know how to make good pictures of themselves" but he wasn't ugly or anything, he was cute if your into that and he has a nice personality, someone I can be friends with.
When we arrived at the house it was just fun and games till we got drunk! Then the hornyness came out in me! I was so frustrated my fucking blind date called off! Apparently he made other plans *rolls eyes* anyways I just endured while Nige and his BF were grindin to a whole bunch of songs playin from iTunes. Untill Nige and his boyfriend come grinding on me, whisper the song to me, biting my neck and ears and then all of a sudden the BF takes my chin and turns my head and softly comes in to kiss me!
He came in so close our lips barely touched but still made that kissy sound. Nige froze in shock looking at us... He didn't actually see us because he was in my neck on the other side. So he just heard the sound. He was like did ya'll kiss?! I'm like NO! Then the BF was like NO I WOULD NEVER! Then Nige fell to the floor laughing just shaking his head. Me and the bf smoke so we went outside to smoke. Talking bout first impressions and the kiss.
He was saying that he didn't do it on purpose and didn't meant to kiss me but wanted to go to my neck but didn't properly aim... BITCH PLEASE LOL that was such a lame excuse and I told him that. I mean come on u might have pulled back but not because ur lips touched mines but because your lips made a sound that's why. His lips didn't FALL on mines they MOVED towards and MOVED ON it.
Anyways after we went back inside we danced a lil, sorta had a 3man party and Nige and his BF were trying me! Grinding on me one by one and making grinding trains LOL But the funny thing is that Nige's BF (yes I won't give him a name because I won't mention him again after this I think, so no need) is a vers/top but he loves actin like a total bottom! LOL he was trying so hard saying stuff like show me how you do it, bring out the yardie in you... He shouldnt have said that cuz now the jamaican in me has to show himself, LOL. So I Lifted him up and grindin him in 3 diff air positions!
When we went for the second smoke we was talking bout my "pleasing" skills. He was saying like that I know how to please boys and not MEN, men meaning "boys" like him... I was flicking my fro and in shock he was saying this. I asked him where he based this on but he couldn't say much more than "I'm not saying your not good cuz I can see you got skills but you need to know who u pleasing and tune into that, you can't please a man, just boys and I am a man" obviously alcohol is at game too here because before all this he told me his exes were tall skinny lightskinned dudes and you may have noticed I'm not lightskinned BUT the tall and skinny part IS me so being a lil hazey of the alcohol and it being night, he might be getting the wrong ideas so I told him "uhm that's the thing your talking in general while you only mean yourself, I am not intending to know you like that so if I'm lacking in any part of the flirting&grinding game its cuz I do not wish to know you like that, your my best friends boyfriend. And trust me if I wanted to please you I could because I left all the MEN I've been with with a smile on their face"
After that we went inside danced again and this time the bf just took my pants off?! He was like strip and pushed Nige next to me. If I take off my pants you guys gotta strip. Right.... I was ready for bed at that point because I know when I get horny!!!! LORD HAVE MERCY! So we went to bed and yes something else happened
So Nige gets me a duvet and pillow to sleep on the couch and they were supposed to sleep upstairs in the bed. So when they were supposed to go up the bf was like imma stay here with Tonii and he got under the Duvet (I was already laying on the couch under it) and went in my nook (sex and the city watchers know what I mean) so uhm Nige went upstairs to go freshen up for bed and the bf just fell asleep on me in the 5 minutes and I was like whatever so I tried to fall asleep during the whole thing and at a certain point Nige comes down and has to PULL his husband out of the couch and drag him upstairs going to bed with my comment:
"Be safe I don't want grandchildren yet!"
Not knowing they wouldn't be having sex that night...
Today me and my besty Nige are meeting but he told me a few days upfront that his boyfriend (who I still had to meet) had this friend they wanted too hook me up with, right... Uhm... I'm not really a fan of meeting someone before seeing them? But he assured me that he was cute and totally my type, right...
Anyways he called me in the morning saying that the date was off but that we were still meeting, I'm like sure so imma be the third wheel on ya'lls whatever. Anyways Nige lives all the damn way in Northampton and I was dead ass broke (£20) so he came and picked me up (with the train) and we went all the way to Birmingham to go get his BF and then go back to go Northampton?! I was tired of all this damn traveling and after a lil 3 hours we finally arrived at the house.
First Impressions of the boyfriend: Shock! He was short, looked really young (he apparently shaved), skinny and totally not my best friends INITIAL type...
I've seen pictures of him but my impression of him from there lead me to think he was tall, a bit muscular, a bit more masculine in the face and older. This was the exact opposite! Like I always say: "some people know how to make good pictures of themselves" but he wasn't ugly or anything, he was cute if your into that and he has a nice personality, someone I can be friends with.
When we arrived at the house it was just fun and games till we got drunk! Then the hornyness came out in me! I was so frustrated my fucking blind date called off! Apparently he made other plans *rolls eyes* anyways I just endured while Nige and his BF were grindin to a whole bunch of songs playin from iTunes. Untill Nige and his boyfriend come grinding on me, whisper the song to me, biting my neck and ears and then all of a sudden the BF takes my chin and turns my head and softly comes in to kiss me!
He came in so close our lips barely touched but still made that kissy sound. Nige froze in shock looking at us... He didn't actually see us because he was in my neck on the other side. So he just heard the sound. He was like did ya'll kiss?! I'm like NO! Then the BF was like NO I WOULD NEVER! Then Nige fell to the floor laughing just shaking his head. Me and the bf smoke so we went outside to smoke. Talking bout first impressions and the kiss.
He was saying that he didn't do it on purpose and didn't meant to kiss me but wanted to go to my neck but didn't properly aim... BITCH PLEASE LOL that was such a lame excuse and I told him that. I mean come on u might have pulled back but not because ur lips touched mines but because your lips made a sound that's why. His lips didn't FALL on mines they MOVED towards and MOVED ON it.
Anyways after we went back inside we danced a lil, sorta had a 3man party and Nige and his BF were trying me! Grinding on me one by one and making grinding trains LOL But the funny thing is that Nige's BF (yes I won't give him a name because I won't mention him again after this I think, so no need) is a vers/top but he loves actin like a total bottom! LOL he was trying so hard saying stuff like show me how you do it, bring out the yardie in you... He shouldnt have said that cuz now the jamaican in me has to show himself, LOL. So I Lifted him up and grindin him in 3 diff air positions!
When we went for the second smoke we was talking bout my "pleasing" skills. He was saying like that I know how to please boys and not MEN, men meaning "boys" like him... I was flicking my fro and in shock he was saying this. I asked him where he based this on but he couldn't say much more than "I'm not saying your not good cuz I can see you got skills but you need to know who u pleasing and tune into that, you can't please a man, just boys and I am a man" obviously alcohol is at game too here because before all this he told me his exes were tall skinny lightskinned dudes and you may have noticed I'm not lightskinned BUT the tall and skinny part IS me so being a lil hazey of the alcohol and it being night, he might be getting the wrong ideas so I told him "uhm that's the thing your talking in general while you only mean yourself, I am not intending to know you like that so if I'm lacking in any part of the flirting&grinding game its cuz I do not wish to know you like that, your my best friends boyfriend. And trust me if I wanted to please you I could because I left all the MEN I've been with with a smile on their face"
After that we went inside danced again and this time the bf just took my pants off?! He was like strip and pushed Nige next to me. If I take off my pants you guys gotta strip. Right.... I was ready for bed at that point because I know when I get horny!!!! LORD HAVE MERCY! So we went to bed and yes something else happened
So Nige gets me a duvet and pillow to sleep on the couch and they were supposed to sleep upstairs in the bed. So when they were supposed to go up the bf was like imma stay here with Tonii and he got under the Duvet (I was already laying on the couch under it) and went in my nook (sex and the city watchers know what I mean) so uhm Nige went upstairs to go freshen up for bed and the bf just fell asleep on me in the 5 minutes and I was like whatever so I tried to fall asleep during the whole thing and at a certain point Nige comes down and has to PULL his husband out of the couch and drag him upstairs going to bed with my comment:
"Be safe I don't want grandchildren yet!"
Not knowing they wouldn't be having sex that night...
Thursday, July 29, 2010
*Day 1, 2, 3 & 4: "Tonii's Bridge Is Falling Down"
Its been a long time since I've updated...
Last time was the last day of Miami. Its a shame I've been neglecting the blog but I'm back and this time I'm blogging from LONDON, yes! But before we begin I have to summarize the past events leading up to this moment! Here goes:
-Me and Pariah finally broke up for real.
-I enrolled for school but am doubting to go due to money problems
-I'm dating this new guy let's call him Jay and were getting pretty serious.
-I've been having a writersblock for months
-and on a personal fun note I've been enjoying the art of Cooking!
So that's what my life has been looking like lately, work, cooking, dating and clubbin.
Now back to London. I had 3 delays flying with Easyjet from Amsterdam to London! I hate them... In one of them I decided to go to McDonalds yes I know, why make the damn mistake twice and miss my flight again! LOL I bought my food and ran to a screen and ate in front of it until my gate was announced so I def wouldn't miss it this time (read previous blog!) So I slept in the plane which took 45 minutes to get into London. So my mom picked me up from 1 of the 5 or 6 airports London has and brought me home but before that we stopped to go grocery shopping. Tesco's (uk equivalent to Wall Mart) I love that store and after that we went to get "Chicken&Chips". Contrary to what people think, more people get CHICKEN and chips instead of the stereotypical and cliche "Fish&Chips" especially black people LOL.
Well to skip the boring part I babysat the first and second night, and the 3rd evening.
BUT on the 3rd night I got company from my London Lover I've known him for 3 years now. We just have this chemistry and every time we see each other it just explodes LOL let's call him JD. So he came to see me that night while my mom was at this church convention that will be taking the place the whole 2 weeks I'm staying over. it was good seeying him and that explosion I was talking bout happened in the living room LOL I couldn't take it so I told him that its better if we go to his, so we did.
Amazin Night, Amazin Morning...
So after a lil while of chillin I had to go home because I couldn't get out of not going to church today (even though its a friday) so I'm at church now writing this. Being bored as usual. Waiting for the main service to begin. My mom came in early cuz she's one of the usher's during the convention. While we waiting and people start coming in one by one, this woman takes the mic and starts praying for us and preaching. Ok nice... Then she starts talking bout the blood of jezus. And screams:
THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD!
LOL I swear I died when she did that and I also made a lil vid of her while she was talking in tongues, Hilarious! I don't like it when people do that I always laugh and people hate me for laughing at it but it just tickles my funny bone I'm sorry!
Anywho Lauren America just arrived. She still gonna be my babymomma. She fine like a bitch! Sorry for cussing in the house of the lord/elementary school.
(I can't remember if I posted the blog where I was in church in London last time when I first mentioned her)
*Important SideNote: my Laptop gave up on me after a year and a half of loyal Service =(
And now I'm just waiting for the drama to start people to get white blankets thrown over them, hearing people speak in tongues, and people bumping their heads while they tryna feel the holy spirit. And now they singing standing and dancing. I'm sorry but I do NOT like Gospel music. I just don't. Its just a repetition of a line or 2or 3 for 5 minutes flowing over to a next song sounding like 1 long drama...
There's this really cute guy sittin behind me! He dark skinned, wearing jordan (turn on!) And grey skinnies with a yellow hoodie. And he hovering me and my fro the whole time LOL
The service for the rest was ok! And the most interesting part was that me and my mother got a prophecy by the prophet attending/hosting the convention. Well it wasn't too hard to pick me out of the bunch I'm 1 of the tallest (even sitting down) and I had an afro as big as the moon. Anyways he came up to me after a while and asked me why I didn't go to church that much, true! I don't go to church that often and told him I don't get the chance too. Then he said I should make this my resident church and should be here every Sunday. After that I had to get up and he told me in keylines:
- I will prosper and the oil of Jesus will drip on my head
- Millions will come to me at a young age
- the lord is seeing all the ideas in my head and they are good
- and that when I get rich I shouldn't forget about him and the church LOL
So imma be a millionaire at a young age... I really want it to happen LOL and I've been dreaming bout it, so now I just have to make it happen.
Church ended at 1am and I was mad hungry!!!!! So I attacked the Doritos bag I brought with me while I went through the whole "OMG (pointing at me and my mom) is that ur brother" act we get from most of the church people that don't know me... LOL me and my moms are the same length look alike and are pretty (so I've heard, u know I'm not the one to brag)
In the car on our way home we discussed our prophecies because right after me my mom got 1 too. He said that she's unhappily in a marriage now and that the wedding was rushed and that she had 3 men disappoint her in her life but she will find a God fearing guy and have the wedding she dreamed of. So I guess it was a good night for the family...
Last time was the last day of Miami. Its a shame I've been neglecting the blog but I'm back and this time I'm blogging from LONDON, yes! But before we begin I have to summarize the past events leading up to this moment! Here goes:
-Me and Pariah finally broke up for real.
-I enrolled for school but am doubting to go due to money problems
-I'm dating this new guy let's call him Jay and were getting pretty serious.
-I've been having a writersblock for months
-and on a personal fun note I've been enjoying the art of Cooking!
So that's what my life has been looking like lately, work, cooking, dating and clubbin.
Now back to London. I had 3 delays flying with Easyjet from Amsterdam to London! I hate them... In one of them I decided to go to McDonalds yes I know, why make the damn mistake twice and miss my flight again! LOL I bought my food and ran to a screen and ate in front of it until my gate was announced so I def wouldn't miss it this time (read previous blog!) So I slept in the plane which took 45 minutes to get into London. So my mom picked me up from 1 of the 5 or 6 airports London has and brought me home but before that we stopped to go grocery shopping. Tesco's (uk equivalent to Wall Mart) I love that store and after that we went to get "Chicken&Chips". Contrary to what people think, more people get CHICKEN and chips instead of the stereotypical and cliche "Fish&Chips" especially black people LOL.
Well to skip the boring part I babysat the first and second night, and the 3rd evening.
BUT on the 3rd night I got company from my London Lover I've known him for 3 years now. We just have this chemistry and every time we see each other it just explodes LOL let's call him JD. So he came to see me that night while my mom was at this church convention that will be taking the place the whole 2 weeks I'm staying over. it was good seeying him and that explosion I was talking bout happened in the living room LOL I couldn't take it so I told him that its better if we go to his, so we did.
Amazin Night, Amazin Morning...
So after a lil while of chillin I had to go home because I couldn't get out of not going to church today (even though its a friday) so I'm at church now writing this. Being bored as usual. Waiting for the main service to begin. My mom came in early cuz she's one of the usher's during the convention. While we waiting and people start coming in one by one, this woman takes the mic and starts praying for us and preaching. Ok nice... Then she starts talking bout the blood of jezus. And screams:
THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD, THE BLOOD!
LOL I swear I died when she did that and I also made a lil vid of her while she was talking in tongues, Hilarious! I don't like it when people do that I always laugh and people hate me for laughing at it but it just tickles my funny bone I'm sorry!
Anywho Lauren America just arrived. She still gonna be my babymomma. She fine like a bitch! Sorry for cussing in the house of the lord/elementary school.
(I can't remember if I posted the blog where I was in church in London last time when I first mentioned her)
*Important SideNote: my Laptop gave up on me after a year and a half of loyal Service =(
And now I'm just waiting for the drama to start people to get white blankets thrown over them, hearing people speak in tongues, and people bumping their heads while they tryna feel the holy spirit. And now they singing standing and dancing. I'm sorry but I do NOT like Gospel music. I just don't. Its just a repetition of a line or 2or 3 for 5 minutes flowing over to a next song sounding like 1 long drama...
There's this really cute guy sittin behind me! He dark skinned, wearing jordan (turn on!) And grey skinnies with a yellow hoodie. And he hovering me and my fro the whole time LOL
The service for the rest was ok! And the most interesting part was that me and my mother got a prophecy by the prophet attending/hosting the convention. Well it wasn't too hard to pick me out of the bunch I'm 1 of the tallest (even sitting down) and I had an afro as big as the moon. Anyways he came up to me after a while and asked me why I didn't go to church that much, true! I don't go to church that often and told him I don't get the chance too. Then he said I should make this my resident church and should be here every Sunday. After that I had to get up and he told me in keylines:
- I will prosper and the oil of Jesus will drip on my head
- Millions will come to me at a young age
- the lord is seeing all the ideas in my head and they are good
- and that when I get rich I shouldn't forget about him and the church LOL
So imma be a millionaire at a young age... I really want it to happen LOL and I've been dreaming bout it, so now I just have to make it happen.
Church ended at 1am and I was mad hungry!!!!! So I attacked the Doritos bag I brought with me while I went through the whole "OMG (pointing at me and my mom) is that ur brother" act we get from most of the church people that don't know me... LOL me and my moms are the same length look alike and are pretty (so I've heard, u know I'm not the one to brag)
In the car on our way home we discussed our prophecies because right after me my mom got 1 too. He said that she's unhappily in a marriage now and that the wedding was rushed and that she had 3 men disappoint her in her life but she will find a God fearing guy and have the wedding she dreamed of. So I guess it was a good night for the family...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Day Fourteen & Fifteen and a lil Sixteen: When Problems Take Over
I woke up to some saltfish and dumplings my gramps got for me. I woke up showered and had some breakfast. After saying my goodbye's to everyone my gramps drove me to the airport, we said our farewells and I was off.
Everything went smoothly untill I reached atlanta to transfer. I went straight to the gate untill I saw a mcdonalds. I was feeling kinda hungry and didn't really wanna eat the airplane food so I bought me a meal and walked to the gate. I saw this guy go through the doors and asked 1 of the 2 women standing there about boarding, she brushed me off. I waited till the other woman was free and I asked her and she told me I they just closed the gate and I missed my plane...
I got it re-Booked FOR THE SAME TIME THE NEXT DAY but I might have to pay $250 of the people at the gate don't check up on my boarding pass. I hope they won't and pray to god and Sex And The City they won't!
I wrote all the missing days while waiting on the next flight
I was talking to Pariah that I was writing while sitting here. He said what u writing? And I told him I was finishing my blog. I was shocked when he asked me if he could read it. So I told him no u gotta wait till I finish all the days of the vacation or else u won't understand, you'll get hurt. He's like why what happened? So I told him about JJ without really mentioning him. He got angry upset and disappointed with me.
We kinda talked/discussed it and he feels really betrayed and hurt. While I think he shouldn't have blew it up so much. I know I was wrong I admit BUT yeah ok you cheated first, you broke up with me twice for no reason. And all I did was cheat even you keeping score I should be the one still fucking upset but life doesn't work like that. Emotionally I found that he couldve been more understanding because he was bowing it up sooo much while I was angry and whatever too but I didn't let it get the best of me. Is it because it happened to you that u now fully comprehend the extend of of the meaning being hurt?
He wants me to make it up with him but honestly do I? The Bestie Nige also said u love this boy that's why ur saying you want him back but ur head says somethng else cuz ur distracted. I don't know my heart is ripped into a triangle with JJ, Pariah & Carson as the ends. (Haha yes ya'll forgot about him didn't ya'll)
He's still in the picture too, he bbm'ed me to ask about my atlanta situation. After that we just talked and said I was crazy. So I said that's why u like me right? He said I wanted to something but I thought never mind... I told him how can you say that now I'm curious!!! After some pulling I got him to confess that he said that he liked me for reasons beyond that. He started writing that I was sexy, fun, good in bed and all that good stuff and that we had to talk when I came back. I was like ok.... =p
I'm here from 3.45pm and its passed midnight now.
Me and Pariah had ANOTHER blow out cuz he was playing games in this whole forgiveness thing and he called me a sex addicted hoe. So I put some things straight. And now we in an open relatiosnhip till we live together.
I'm tired of this night its been emotionally straining....
And to top it off we just really broke up now because he couldn't take it.... Owh well. Its actually good that the Trinity is no more. I just never thought Pariah was the first one to drop from it...
Its 1.43am
And now were back on open relationship thing...
And then I decided to be monogamous towards him, he was happy
It was finally time to get on the plane and go home :D only to hear that Pariah tried to cheat but couldn't cuz he loved me to much? I was like no that's just you playing games again and I'm tired of this now.
So we decided to just stay friends
I am now making my way through Germany to go back home. I'm so tired and this last 2 day have been so straining on me ill probably faint when I'll hit my bed. Ugh and I gotta work tomorrow!
Welcome Back To Reality...
Everything went smoothly untill I reached atlanta to transfer. I went straight to the gate untill I saw a mcdonalds. I was feeling kinda hungry and didn't really wanna eat the airplane food so I bought me a meal and walked to the gate. I saw this guy go through the doors and asked 1 of the 2 women standing there about boarding, she brushed me off. I waited till the other woman was free and I asked her and she told me I they just closed the gate and I missed my plane...
I got it re-Booked FOR THE SAME TIME THE NEXT DAY but I might have to pay $250 of the people at the gate don't check up on my boarding pass. I hope they won't and pray to god and Sex And The City they won't!
I wrote all the missing days while waiting on the next flight
I was talking to Pariah that I was writing while sitting here. He said what u writing? And I told him I was finishing my blog. I was shocked when he asked me if he could read it. So I told him no u gotta wait till I finish all the days of the vacation or else u won't understand, you'll get hurt. He's like why what happened? So I told him about JJ without really mentioning him. He got angry upset and disappointed with me.
We kinda talked/discussed it and he feels really betrayed and hurt. While I think he shouldn't have blew it up so much. I know I was wrong I admit BUT yeah ok you cheated first, you broke up with me twice for no reason. And all I did was cheat even you keeping score I should be the one still fucking upset but life doesn't work like that. Emotionally I found that he couldve been more understanding because he was bowing it up sooo much while I was angry and whatever too but I didn't let it get the best of me. Is it because it happened to you that u now fully comprehend the extend of of the meaning being hurt?
He wants me to make it up with him but honestly do I? The Bestie Nige also said u love this boy that's why ur saying you want him back but ur head says somethng else cuz ur distracted. I don't know my heart is ripped into a triangle with JJ, Pariah & Carson as the ends. (Haha yes ya'll forgot about him didn't ya'll)
He's still in the picture too, he bbm'ed me to ask about my atlanta situation. After that we just talked and said I was crazy. So I said that's why u like me right? He said I wanted to something but I thought never mind... I told him how can you say that now I'm curious!!! After some pulling I got him to confess that he said that he liked me for reasons beyond that. He started writing that I was sexy, fun, good in bed and all that good stuff and that we had to talk when I came back. I was like ok.... =p
I'm here from 3.45pm and its passed midnight now.
Me and Pariah had ANOTHER blow out cuz he was playing games in this whole forgiveness thing and he called me a sex addicted hoe. So I put some things straight. And now we in an open relatiosnhip till we live together.
I'm tired of this night its been emotionally straining....
And to top it off we just really broke up now because he couldn't take it.... Owh well. Its actually good that the Trinity is no more. I just never thought Pariah was the first one to drop from it...
Its 1.43am
And now were back on open relationship thing...
And then I decided to be monogamous towards him, he was happy
It was finally time to get on the plane and go home :D only to hear that Pariah tried to cheat but couldn't cuz he loved me to much? I was like no that's just you playing games again and I'm tired of this now.
So we decided to just stay friends
I am now making my way through Germany to go back home. I'm so tired and this last 2 day have been so straining on me ill probably faint when I'll hit my bed. Ugh and I gotta work tomorrow!
Welcome Back To Reality...
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